you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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