I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
