I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
