It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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