I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
