O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
