I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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