No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
