Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
