maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
