I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
where are my pants?
in the oven.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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