I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
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Do I have a choice?
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There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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