she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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