that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
