Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Randomize
