That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
