i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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