Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
