I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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