i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
