Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
