he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
