Dual....:-)
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
