what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
