Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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