Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize