I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
People with herpes should wear stickers.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
