In America we eat man semen.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
