Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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