So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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