enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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