the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
