So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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