The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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