When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
