addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
