i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
