You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Randomize
