So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I FOUND THE LEGS
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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