God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
