My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I lost the right to judge tonight
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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