I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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