he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Do you remember whose house we're in?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
