my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
