I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He felt like a one man threesome
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
