Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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