So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
he thought i was a dude.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
