I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
