Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
