They should really pass out barf bags in church
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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