Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
