Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
