My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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