Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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