i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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