he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
