Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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