WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
