it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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