I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
