My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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